Stripped

so i finally finished my paper...all 19 pages of it...blahhhhh!! but i would have to say, blogging about it really made me enjoy writing it more! in fact, i even stole my last post's title to use as my title for my paper ( i guess its not stealing since its my own...) So yes, all 19 pages of 'Saul the sicarii-man, meet Paul the passionate pursuer of Christ' are completed. I sent it off to my fine panel of editors (my mom and sister) and hopefully there won't have to be many changes. :)

today has been a really cool, restful day, filled with lots of new insights. I was extremely exhausted this morning and actually fell asleep during what i wanted to be an 'intense' time of prayer. haha, so i was definitely off to a great start! however, God likes to use us in our weakness, and he sure did today. I found him revealing things to me through all the different menial, physical things of my day, from napping, to doing exercises for my understanding families class, to watching the bachelor (please dont judge, i got sucked in this season and had to watch the season finale online today, and yes, im sure you are wondering how God used that in my life haha).

I'm seeing daily how God is stripping me of things in my life. I would usually put up a fight but I've been seeing more and more how that usually doesn't work, so I'm letting him win. And as much as I would love to say I am completely happy and satisfied, I cant. I am definitely experiencing satisfaction in life and ultimately knowing that God is doing awesome things, but I am completely unsatisfied as well. I'm trying to grow up and pass the role of 'baby of the family' to my nephew and niece, and it is honestly a lot harder than it seems. Laugh if you may, (it is ridiculous, I'll admit) but it is really hard to start growing up, becoming my own person, and not relying on my family for everything. And so, all this to say, God has been stripping me of my dependence and expectations that I place on my family, mainly my mom and dad. Trust me, my relationships with them are extremely important and I will always rely on them for wisdom and advice, but I'm seeing my family's dynamics changing right in front of my eyes and thats hard to deal with.

And so as much as I don't want to admit it, I'm thankful God is doing this. Strip away, God! (please do not take that out of context, i realized how ridiculous it sounded after I typed it but also see that nothing else can really be said) He is teaching me more and more to do things for Him (and even for myself) and not for others, to enjoy what I want to enjoy (not because others enjoy it) and teaching me to completely depend on Him. I feel like I have been here before, but this time He is wanting to go deeper. It's scary, and it's beautiful!

Oh and I almost forgot to tell you as to how the Bachelor was used in my life today! haha, im sure you were on pins and needles waiting for this one. As I sat there watching the season finale, I just felt sick. To think about how we put so much of our own worth in others and when they let us down, if we have nothing to fall back on, we get shattered. It also showed me that my relationships with others cannot be everything to me...once again, my favorite word, balance. And when I am saying all this, I am not referring to the opposite sex (although it completely applies) but back to my whole dilemma with my family. I need to be in relationship with them (thats what I was created for) but it needs to be balanced.

I hope this makes sense. I sort of feel like I'm just rambling on and on because I like to type my thoughts...anyways, I hope that this week finds you experiencing God in a new way and that you too will be stripped of whatever needs to be removed.